E-mail to and from
Space Monkey

NOTICE: your letter to the monkey
may be reprinted here or elsewhere



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Dear Space Monkey

You are neat. I have a monkey too. He has not been to space yet but was thinking that march is a good month for space travel. What do you think? What food should he bring? His name is Templeton.

love, M

SPACE MONKEY REPLIES:

M,

Your monkey should bring coconuts. They will serve him a double purpose.

Recipe for double purpose:

1. open and eat

2. draw eyes and smile on them and they will look just like your dream monkey co-pilot!!

3.2.1. blast-off,
Space Monkey


Space Monkey,

Do you think someday people will be able to pay around $20.00 for a brief moment in space? How old will I be when this happens? Will I be too old, my knees too arthritic, my eyes so far gone as to not be able to see past the tip of my nose? I know you are not psychic- I am just looking for your opinion.

Thanks,
Taryn

SPACE MONKEY REPLIES:

Oh yes. I foresee a future when space travel is the preferred treatment for arthritis. True it will cost $20 million per limb but it will be way more affective, and exciting, then other kind of adjustment or herbal rub. In the future seniors will insist that their medical procedures be fun.

good bye
Space monkey
(with Super Computer helping with the arthritis arithmetic)


Hi Mr. Space Monkey,

I love visiting your website, I think it's so very fun! Can people buy your product, in the real world- Iwould like to buy it! Can I get your autograph!? I'm not sure what to say, I am, after all, writing to a space monkey, there's a first for everything!

Sincerly ~Ellie

SPACE MONKEY REPLIES:

Ellie,

I like your questions.
You obviously have a huge intellectual lock on life.

What goes on in the real world holds little interest for me as i work away here in my little headquarters office in my huge factory complex.

Do buy all of my products, they can't be hard to find.

thank you,
Space Monkey


Hi Space Monkey,

My name is Daan, I live in Amsterdam, The Netherlands, and I am 4.3489 yrs old. I visited your website. The Dutch word for space monkey is......Ruimte Aap or, Aap Astronaut. Thought you might want to know that.

Bye bye,

Daan Rijks

SPACE MONKEY REPLIES:

Hello Daan

Your message has been floating around the factory for a year now. It appears to be a nice friendly note that also helps us towards our straight and steely goal of improving our Dutch.

But we assume there is more to this letter then what is so clearly spelled out. It is in code. Correct? Our best monkies have worked on it but none of them have been able to break the code.

We're scratching our heads here?
Top banana,
Space Monkey


Dear Space Monkey,

You do not exactly look like a monkey. Although you do have a distinct tail, which enables us to tell that you are not an ape, you look more like a chicken.

Upon further review of your additional pictures, we have concluded that you may be a fetal chicken or a fetal human. What are your thoughts on this??

Adrian

SPACE MONKEY REPLIES:

Hey Adrian,

You do not know the monkey world at all.

I've heard you have pigeon feet.

It is true that a monkey in space will look part platypus but, certainly, the oddest looking monkies walk among us here on Planet Earth.

Don't make me angry,
your friend,
the Monkey


hey there Mr. Space Monkey, Sir,

I just found your website and must say that I am pretty impressed with all it has to offer. The best part is reading the letters from other Space Monkey fans and how you reply so professionally.

You are cool!

I was wondering, do you like to eat space bugs or real earth bugs? Because I went to space before and I didn't eat bugs at all! (can you believe it!?)

Christyn

SPACE MONKEY REPLIES:

Dear Inquisitive Christyn,

By "eat space bugs or real earth bugs" I understand you are referring to the new research in our communications department, about de-bugging the growing wireless phone network.

I champion you to join us and eat as many bug devices as you can from your own private lab.

Consider this message to be of the urgentess top secretness.

your comrade,
Space Monkey


Dear Space Monkey,

My best friends are a group of orang-utans and I am concerned about their potential extinction. Can I send them to a safe haven on the moon?

SPACE MONKEY REPLIES:

Dear kind sir,

YES, send them to the moon.
There is a special lunar area sectioned off just for orangatangs. These creatures are out of place on our planet and need to be kept on a moon. It's the best for everyone involved.

your chum,
and project manager,
Space MONKEY


hello mr. spacemonkey

I like your webpage.
It is very funny.
I like monkeys and I like computers.
Spacemonkey is the best.

bye.

SPACE MONKEY REPLIES:

Dear Cineartee,

Yes...certainly...ahhh, I'm so humbled by your praise! Thank you for your kind words. We all know that when a monkey was chosen in the heated days of the cold war some of the broodest minds around were captain of the Selection Committee.

I feel very fortunate to be the One.

May you grow old and wise,

Space Monkey


HELLO SPACE MONKEY,

YOU ARE MY BEST FRIEND I LOVE YOU SO MUCH!! You are my hero and my friends are worried about me as I am completely obsessed with you. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE write back so we can talk about magical stuff.

All my everlasting love,
Stuart ( monkey bhoy ) Patterson

SPACE MONKEY REPLIES:

Stu...

This is actually a very common state.
I believe there's even an over the counter ointment available if the adoration becomes too distracting. In this crazy world the primitive portion (oldest part) of your brain stem is going to be attracted to a hero like myself...it's one of the most natural things that will ever happen to you.

Try to Be
More Like Me,
Space Monkey


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Dear Space Monkey,

My gray, gray, grandfather went to Space and he didn't find any monkeys.

If he didn't find any, where did you come from? I would like to know EVEN if it is a long story.

Sincerely,

Rafaela, Dublin, Ohio

SPACE MONKEY REPLIES:

Rafaela,

The stories I could tell you...
except I really don't have the time.

It is an unspeakably long tail you ask me to recount. If I was not a hobby inventor I would probably have time to type it all out for you... but as I have my wheels turning and solutions simmering I don't have time for volumnious e-mail.

SO, as a short-cut, buy my cd box set. The entire collection. Learn it all, and good luck to you on the quizes that end each chapter. Then you'll be prepared for any Space Monkey trivia questions that may come your way!

Thank me later...

Space 'not-a-big-problem' Monkey


Dear Mr. Space Monkey,

I am getting my elementary teaching credential and look forward to sharing your adventures with my future students. Is there any chance of your factory making some instruction materials, or of the supercomputer creating an educational computer program?

SPACE MONKEY REPLIES:

Dear Writer,

Everyone loves to push the buttons on the big machines!

I believe children should learn by doing. Maybe they could come here, to my factory. I'd let them work for free! They could earn some college credits just for sweeping-up. They could become integral to the work place!! Let's make them earn that grade A.

Good luck with your creditials,


love Space Monkey


Hi! My name is Madeleine.

How is outerspace? Did you have fun in orbit?
I really would like to know!

Bye!

SPACE MONKEY REPLIES:

Madeleine,

When I was in space all question of fun, or not having fun, did not exist. Fun did not have weight in space.

What was paramountly important to my mind was lever movements. Up, down, up, steady...down, and then carefully to the side. That is all I could think about! Steering can be winsome, but this was serious!

I feel as if I am in orbit right now just remembering the heady concentration I needed.

Cordially,
Space Monkey


Space Monkey,

What is your favorite book ?
And do you have a favorite color?
Where were you born?
on Mars?
goodbye
Love, Aaron, Andrew, and Chris.

SPACE MONKEY REPLIES:

Hello.

My work schedule leaves me little time to read BUT if I had to choose just one book, it would be the Monkey Business Factory Safety Manual. Which I was able to author without too much help from dictionaries, my supercomputer, or Mr. Henry Ford. My most ground breaking chapter is, "Haste but Safe."

Despite popular opinion and what is often reported on tv, I was not born in the zoo. It all started for me in a one ringed circus north of the equator. But that's another story...

Space Monkey


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Hello

It is weird talking to a monkey.
We should have just left space alone and let it be.

SPACE MONKEY REPLIES:

Space beckons me.

It was an excellent host to this monkey many years ago.

Space takes up a lot of space and it's hard to stay in one place.

Space Monkey


Hello Monkey

Monkeys are my favourite animal, so that includes you as my favourite animal too. What kind of monkey are you?
I'm a little cheeky monkey

Love from Tom

SPACE MONKEY REPLIES:

Well Tom,

Some of my employees say I'm a bossy monkey, but I am the one in charge here at headquarters...my headquarters... it's all from my head, and well, super computer's head too. I'm a top banana Monkey!

Good day to you,
S. Monk


Dear Space Monkey,

Do you have any favorite children's books?

Who are you descended from in the world of literature and illustration? Sometimes I look at you and think you're a distant relative of the Happy Hockey Family or Sanrio's monkey character.

James H Spain Greene

SPACE MONKEY REPLIES:

James,

I've been told I'm related to Curious George but it's so distant it's hard to draw all the limbs from tree to familly tree. I love to read "Goodnight Moon," to all of the little chimps. Especially the ones who foresee space travel in their own future. M. Sasek is my favorite picture book drawer. And those Happy Hockey people are good looking...but they're so rude.

Your le singular friend,
da monk.


Dear Space Monkey,

Nice page with good pictures but I still think that monkeys should stay in the atmosphere, and not be sent on a space-shuttle to Mars.

SPACE MONKEY REPLIES:

Dear Writer from Sweden,

The monkey has seen pictures of Mars and agrees. He has suggested Mars as a destination to some of the snakes he knows. The Monkey feels it might be more suitable for them and some of their rodent friends.

This monkey prefers Moons.

Space


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Dear: space monkey.

I think what you did in space was heroic. When I grow up I want to be just like you. My freind Joe says that you are fake. Is this true? If it is i will be crushed.

Timmy Dirk age 6

SPACE MONKEY REPLIES:

Timmy,

A fake what?
Certainly, I am a monkey.
I was the first primate in space..
check me out in ANY history book.
I am an inventor.
I am a manufacturing mogul.
I can't even imagine which part of monkey-me someone might think is not for real.

Is Joe for real?

puzzling...
Space Monkey


Dear Space Monkey,

While in orbit did you have to wear a little helmet?

And did you get to carry a powerful ray gun?

Just curious,
Scott Bentley, Santa Maria, CA <

SPACE MONKEY REPLIES:

Scott,

First of all, I hate wearing anything on my head, it gets in the way of my thinking, but the people at the Space Program asked so nicely I knew I had to agree.

I still believe that what they glued on to the top of my spacesuit was a goldfish bowl.

It didn't fit that well...
it was real heavy...
But, I didn't take it off.

Maybe you're one of those historians who claim you've seen pictures of me in space with the helmet off. I never took that helmet off... I believe, based on my calculations, that the helmet appeared removed due to air thinness and NO error of the rocketship pilot.

Oh and no ray guns, but they did give me a powerful flashlight,

thanks for writing,
your friend,
the Space Monkey


hey little monkey,

If I had a billion dollars I would send you bananas (lots everyday) and a spacey space suit with lots of sparkles, because I know you'd love it. It's tiring work what you do, so bananas are good for you.

have a whirly great day.

Kindra

SPACE MONKEY REPLIES:

Dear Kindra,

We have a lot in common. I work hard at the factory every day, so I can rest assured that I will always, always, have enough bananas at my side. When I make my billion, I'll be sure to put a silver space suit in the future's air mail to you.

(as dictated to the Monkey's Personal Assistant)


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Hi Space Monkey,

What was it like to be in space? I really like all your stories. I especially like you and Penelope in MONKEY BUSINESS !!!!!!!!!!!!! :) Write back w/ Penelope please.

From Emily Green, age10, (Girlof2001) P.S. say hi to everyone at Jottoworld for me! :-)

SPACE MONKEY REPLIES:

Dear Emily,

Have you ever been to space?

If not I highly recommend you get yourself a spaceship and take a tour. No words can describe the wonder of the place...except for maybe: LARGE.

If you do go, give Penelope a buzz, because she wouldn't at all mind joining you.

Thanks for writing,
Space Monkey


Dear Space Monkey;

How old are you? My Name is Nexus and I am 9 years old. I saw you in Sci Fi TV. <

SPACE MONKEY REPLIES:

Nexus, you are nine?

Are you a monkey, too?

No one has ever asked me my age before. I know I'm older then you, I was nine a long, long, time ago. I have to check with Computer Kitty to get the exact number of my years on this planet, maybe it's 100.

One mild warning: Don't watch too much sci-fi t.v., little Nexus, it can make you think of s p a c e with nothing inbetween.

Good bye,
Space Monkey


What's the deal with you going into space and then returning to write books. Don't you think that space travel should be followed by an equally magnificant feat? Also, I have never had the chance to read one of your books but would like to. I live in Canada and would like to know if any Canadian book stores carry your books?

ryan smith, cobden ontario

SPACE MONKEY REPLIES:

Dear Ryan,

As I struggled with the writing of my picture book, I often wished I could trade places with my old self and get back into that rocketship...falling through the tranquil sea of outer space. Do you still think my writing was not a feat on par with space travel (or managing a manufacturing giant, like my factory)?

Oh wait! You haven't read my book. Well you can order it from our web-site or from Amazon.com.

I'm interested in your book review,
Space Monkey


Space Monkey:

What was it like to travel among the stars and see sights no other monkey will ever see again?

I envy your travel and enlightenment of things unknowable to other monkeys and to most humans. Not to mention your book.

Do you have plans for another book soon? Do you speak very often with Mr. Lunch? I would like to meet Mr. Lunch.

SPACE MONKEY REPLIES:

That Mr. Lunch is a busy dog.

All he ever does is work with birds, then chart out his work with the birds and then he reads about birds.....I'd like to have him over for dinner, but I guess I'm pretty busy too. Mr. Lunch has a new book out, "FREE LUNCH." So, he'd be a difficult guest to get over to the factory these days.

I've been spending a lot of time thinking about going on a new space ship trip. Your letter reminds me of how lovely it can be.

Remember:
Never get upset if it takes a monkey awhile to respond to a letter.
Space Monkey


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Dear Space Monkey,

Your book was very good. We would love to read a new book about you. Are you going back to space with your rocket ship? We would love to visit space with you if you are taking another trip. What kind of monkey are you, anyway? Are you a chimpanzee?

Do you like kids? What do you eat in space? Do you know any good monkey jokes?

You are a good monkey. We liked all the characters in your book.

Have a nice day!
Ms. Iannucci's first graders

SPACE MONKEY REPLIES:

Dear Ms. Iannucci's first graders,

Thank you for writing me. My friend Super Computer delivered your letter just as I was finishing a four banana breakfast. Do you kid's like bananas?

When I'm in space I eat the space food version of bananas. It looks a lot like a tootsie roll. It's very healthy for a chimp, like me. When I'm not in space I like to eat bananas inside of banana pies, banana pudding and hot fudge banana sundaes.

Did you see the good action pictures of me on the web? Don't tell anyone, but yes I am thinking of going back to space. I think about it all of the time...

Thanks for writing,
Space Monkey


Dear Space monkey,

You are very brave. When are you going to tell us whats in those little boxes you make? (Other than bug houses)

Is Mr. Lunch your friend? He has got lots of bird friends that could give you flying advice. Keep up the good work and good luck with the flying lessons....remember, "...Arms out front, fingers spread!!" My uncle was in the Air Force and that's what they always told him.

Robin C.

SPACE MONKEY REPLIES:

Dear Robin,

I don't know Mr. Lunch that well...I see him every now and then in town...you know, he is a lot younger then me.

I've tried working with the birds that hang-out at his office, they're a little pre-occupied with their own world there. Frankly, I think they just don't believe a monkey can fly. I'm working on it. I'm going to try the spread fingers tip you have passed on.

Thanks for your letter,
Space Monkey


Hello Monkey!

Have animal right's activists tried to stop you from going into space? I have a pet cat and she would like to met you. She wants to go in to space. Are you planing another trip?.

SPACE MONKEY REPLIES:

You have a cat?

Super Computer has been pushing me for year's to open a new factory in space. We need a few good cats to man the security booths. Get your cat on the waiting list now!

Got to run--Space Monkey


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Hello Space Monkey.

I read your book. I think it is wonderful. I've been to the Air and Space Museum a lot too. It was wrong to be suspicious about Penelope. Your computer shouldn't have said they were troublemakers. You should get a new computer!

See ya later,
Jonathan Laxton, age SEVEN (almost eight)

SPACE MONKEY REPLIES:

JONATHAN,

You think I should get a new computer? It's true we were wrong about that pink Penelope. Although, in defense of our data - it didn't say she was the type of bug who would steal, it just (numerically) urged us to be careful.

Maybe Super Computer was running a bad program that day. I know I WASN'T THINKING RIGHT. I was too worried about the missing product. I thought some evil mastermind had it.

Did you know Super Computer went with me on my space mission? Maybe you read about it when you were at the Air and Space Museum. They just don't make Super Computers any better then mine.

Thanks for writing,
Space Monkey


Space Monkey,

My son, Mitchell, wants to know how you liked space. Should he think about becoming an astronaut? He also wants to tell you he liked the book.

Dad wants to know what the Oriental-like symbols on, and in the book, are.

SPACE MONKEY REPLIES:

Tell your son Mitchell space is a lot like mountain climbing--only higher. You have to wear protective clothing, there are great views, and there are no stores near by.

I think one of the best ways to decide if you want to be an astronaut is to employ the lunar birthday theme. Equipe each child's head with a protective goldfish bowl. Cover the lawn with slices of swiss cheese. Then hand out speciman collection kits for the big--search and find--contest. Speak only in moon words, such as; affirmative, rodger, and AWOL.

your friendly monkey friend,
Space

Oh, on the side of the book it says, "Monkey Business," in Japanese katakana.


Space Monkey,

Just a note to say hi, and I love your books. I was wondering if Space Monkey or Mr. Lunch has ever been to Jupiter, where I hear gravity is pretty tricky. If you could stand there (which of course you can't, since it's all just swirling dust and gas), but if you could, you would weigh three times as much. So you'd be kind o' slow there.

Also, did you know that the government sent gold records into space with images of earth recorded in the grooves? Stuff like the theory of relativity, airports, and a man eating grapes, plus some music. All on records that aliens could find.

SPACE MONKEY REPLIES:

Madam,

Jupiter is not in my travel plans. It would be too distrupive for my banana digestive system. I am considering a trip to Alaska though. I understand the majesty of the scenery can make you feel wonderfully small (at least three times smaller).

Yes, we know about the earthling data sent to space. My own track came right after the Flip Wilson's, "Here comes the judge..."

yours,
Space Monkey


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